Ever wonder what exactly BDSM is? Apart from an acronym, what is involved in this kinky lifestyle? Well, you came to the right place to find out more. This article is specifically for those wanting to experiment with the basics of BDSM and for those that want to learn more about the intricacies of an incredibly fun and exciting addition to your sex life.
What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism but the entire fetish encompasses a lot more than that. Part lifestyle, part kinky sex, many participants agree on one thing: there is no one right way to do BDSM. Another everyone agrees on is that all are welcome: male-female, transgender, straight, homosexual or anywhere else you fall on the spectrum of human sexuality.
Simply put bondage means to restrain. This can be done with implements like ropes, handcuffs, belts or whatever else you want to use. Discipline is more on the emotional or mental side, following rules or protocols set. Sadism is finding pleasure in giving pain, masochism is finding pleasure in receiving pain.
BDSM can be practiced only in certain sessions or may be put into an extended 24/7 lifestyle that extends beyond the bedroom.
Now that is the basic, bare bone description of BDSM, going into no details about the specifics of each kink. We will be providing future posts about the intricacies of each variant of kink in the future. For now, let's stick to discovering the beginner tips and tricks to entering the wonderful world of BDSM.
How To Start
1. Find Out What Interests You
What got you interested in BDSM in the first place? Was it a particular scene in a movie? Was it an erotic book? Or was it something that your partner did the last time you had sex that peaked your interest?
Try to discover your role in BDSM, are you submissive or dominant? Remember that you are the one to make this choice, not your partner. Also remember that if you want to switch roles, there is nothing wrong with that either.
Talk honestly and openly with your partner. BDSM can be done alone, but in most cases is done with others, so make sure that everyone is on board to try something fun and new.
2. Establish Protocols and Rules
First things first. Consent. There is no BDSM without consent and this is non-negotiable. All participants are willing and enthusiastic, if they are not, do not continue with any BDSM play. There is an idea of safe words in the BDSM community, however, we strongly believe that the best safewords are “NO” and “STOP”. There should be no confusion on these words and each partner needs to understand the importance of stopping play when the other partner says these words. If using a ball gag, or a position where your partner cannot physically speak, make sure to come up with a physical sign to stop.
Establish what is off-limits. Understand that BDSM can be just as psychological as it is physical. Establish that if you and your partner are participating in discipline and sadism that there are some things not to be done or said that may affect your life outside of the sexual play. Just because you are dominant does not give you the right to do whatever you desire.
3. Starting Slow: A Few Moves To Get You Started
Honor Bondage or Body Pinning
Honor Bondage is a technique that involves one partner holding a position until they are “released” verbally. This can look like hands clasped above the head or holding their hands behind their back during certain positions. The dominant partner will then release whenever they desire.
Body Pinning is similar, except the dominant partner is restraining the submissive with their hands. Powerful Hold also plays into this technique, with the dominant partner using strong touch and hold to keep the submissive in a certain physical position. Both these techniques can be a very good introduction to restraining play.
Blindfolds
This simple tool in the BDSM kit has long been a faithful staple for a reason. Taking away sight from the submissive is akin to losing control or giving control over to the dominant. Blindfolds can be used in any type of subsequent play, but to start out, have the sub lay down with the blindfold on and start using body touch to tantalize or even tickle your partner. Add in kissing all over the body and slowly introduce massage oil to tease. Teasing is a part of discipline, so if both partners enjoy the teasing, lean into it more.
Pick Out Your First Toy Together
When trying to introduce BDSM into your bedroom play, try a kit for your first purchase. This will give you a chance to try things out separately and slowly decide what are your favourites and what you like to be used together. Our number one pick for a kit is the Advanced Bondage Kit ($292.99) due to its high quality and the fact that it pretty much has everything! Start slow with the blindfold and tickler, then work your way up to the leash and collar.
Another fun tip: buy a set of love dice to find new combinations of kinky BDSM play.